What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
09.06.2025 02:18
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Put me off passion for life!!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
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As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I could never make a relationship work though!
Do most narcissists have good intentions as long as you are under their control?
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
We all went to grammer schools
How do I explain to my husband that my 19-year-old son has accidentally gotten me pregnant?
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
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When she asked me how she looked .
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
How good do you sing and how do you know this?
He resisted the act ,that day.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
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Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I couldn’t, believe it.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Are people who cite the 2nd Amendment honestly familiar with what it establishes?
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I waited trembling.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Can you provide some examples of music with a free form structure?
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Why do narcissists avoid talking about the real issues?
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Why did the UK Supreme Court rule that transgender women are not women?
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
She was in good health!
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
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A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
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I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
One cannot live in the past .
Ive learnt so much.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Im still living with it.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I write beautiful poetry .
I had hoped to write a book about this .
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
She found it foreign!.
Especially a lifetime of it.
She married twice! .
Comes on , in middle age.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
But, we were locked up after school.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
It was going to be , some day.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
She loved him until the end.
I was very sick at this time too.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
My family never makes their pension either.
I was 9 years of age.
This is soul school!.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Where the ultimate outsiders.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
They are buried together, in the same grave..
I did it because my mum asked me too!
All the time i was locked up.
So, i spoilt her more .
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
I think the readers, may guess!
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I was seconnd youngest,
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
What did i know ?
I was scared of men, in general
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Was to survive, this bastard.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Would this be the day?
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
We were not on the streets..
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I have no regrets .
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
She wouldn,t have been !
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Who then, do I blame.?
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Why did i forgive my father ?
I will be 64.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
But ive been too sick for many years..
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
But it wasn’t much.
(And it was in our own minds.)
As i do to all so called friends.?
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
And i lived it daily.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
He knew the spot.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I don,t even have a pension.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I said to her
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I never cut or harmed myself..
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
So whats the point in blame.
My life is so biszare .
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.